When Callie was born we had so many questions.
What if she couldn’t latch on?
What if she couldn’t walk? What if she didn’t make it through her heart surgery? What if she didnt flourish and we couldn’t leave the NICU? What if she didn’t wake up to feed at night? What if she didn’t cry–what did that mean? What if she didn’t roll over when all the books said she should? What if I slept through my alarm and missed getting up to check on her at night? What if I had a low at home when it was just us two?
What if she didn’t make it through her second heart surgery? Through any of the surgeries?
Now I feel like there are still some of those questions but there’s some rays of sunshine peeking through.
What if she wants to start barrel racing? What if she wants to model? What if we let her go visit other kids that are new amputees? What if we don’t always look at her face to see if she’s turning blue? What if I think “it’s just a cold” when she gets sick instead that quiet fear that her heart valve isn’t working right? What if we tell our story to inspire others? What if we let her wear her prosthetic at the water park? What if she wants to take dance lessons? What if she is old enough now to answer questions about her leg? What if we can sleep through the night without checking on her? What if we breathe? What if we let go of that fear? What if we soar?