Dear Special Needs Mama

I see you.

Trying to keep it all together while quietly falling apart.  Holding on tightly to the string before it unravels and you are completely adrift.  Grieving for the life you thought you should have had….all the while completely head over heels in love with your child.

I see you struggling to decide to quit a therapy that is not working for your child.  Trying to find the right words to sever ties with a doctor that is not the right fit for your family.

I see you up late worrying about your decisions.  Weighing the consequences over and over and over in your mind.  Worrying about the future….will they fit in during high school?  Who will take care of them when you are gone?

I see you evaluating every single option.  A different antibiotic?  A different placement in school?  Radical surgery? Endure a hardship now to make life easier down the road?

I see you learning to wield an array of medical equipment.  Becoming at ease with navigating the hospital hallways.  Learning  complex medical jargon as you assimilate into this new world.  Telling the doctors to teach you, show you, and educate you so you can step into that caregiver role.

I see you on your knees at night.  Praying for guidance.  Looking for grace and strength.  And possibly…..forgiveness.  Raging at the universe for the hand that you were dealt.

I see you at the playground.  Hurt in your eyes when the other moms ignore you simply because your child is different. Frustration because all you want is for your child to feel accepted…

I see you rising up as your child’s advocate.  Knowing that you are the best parent for your child and that you are their voice.  Speaking up for them, pushing for inclusion, and celebrating diversity.

I see your heart breaking as your child endures another hardship–another surgery, procedure, or set back.  The look of pain in your eyes and sorrow.  Knowing you would take their place in a heartbeat if you could.

I see what a warrior you are.  Strong.  Fierce.  Relentless.  The definition of a mama bear protecting her cub.

I see you cheering at each milestone, no matter that it’s not on the same timeline as everyone else.  Tears rolling down your face as your child says “Mama” for the first time.  Sobbing as your little one takes their first step with their new brace on. Celebrating when your son is able to feed himself for the first time.  I see you.

I see you being completely selfless.  Losing sleep.  Putting everyone else’s needs before your own.  You inspire me daily with your servant’s heart and dedication to your family.

I see you today, and every day.  Getting back up.  Not giving up when there is a set back or an obstacle in your path.  You push on….getting stronger each day.  Not because there is a choice, but because that’s the only option you have.

I see you.  Championing the differently abled.  Seeing the beauty in the small moments that others might miss.  Your compassion for others is astounding.

I see you Mama.  Today and every day.