None of It Happened

None of it happened the way I thought it would.

I thought I would be finished with college at 21.

I thought I would be married at 23.

Pregnant at 25 with our first baby (a boy).

Pregnant at 26 with our second baby who would be a girl (of course).

I had it all planned out.  But……

None of that happened the way I thought it would.  In fact, it happened the furthest from the way I had it all planned out in my head.

I didn’t plan for it to take me longer to finish college.  Because I had to juggle paying for it and paying for my insulin.  That I would have to prioritize making enough money to keep me alive over paying for school.

I stayed in a bad relationship for way too long because I thought the timeline was so important.  I told myself to just deal with it, that this was how all relationships were, and that he would grow out of it.  I beat myself up and tore down my self worth.  All for the timeline and my plan.  I don’t know how many times I cried wondering if I would ever find someone that would be worth it.

I found that person at 27.  The person who is the calm to my wild, the navy blue to my hot pink, and the answer to all my prayers.  We found each other well past my preconceived deadline.  And we were blessed with our miracle warrior princess when I was 28.  Just one miracle. Not the two I had planned for.  And bless,  our journey absolutely did not look anything like the beautiful road map I had all planned out in my head.  Ours was a journey forged in fire, sheer will, and a whole lot of hope.

Could I have gotten to this point sooner?  Could I have taken a different route or a different path to get here?  Some of those obstacles I had zero control over and others there were just periods of times where I was just simply not in the right place at the right time.

But I wouldn’t change it.  Not a single second of it.  Because now, I understand what it’s like to wish for something–to have that longing deep in your heart.  The kind of wish that doesn’t go away and weaves itself into your soul.  Now I know how to fight for something I love and how to protect it at all cost.  I understand how to play the long game–how to correlate that the small little choices help put me on the path to my end goal.  I understand how to be strong enough to leave something “comfortable” for something precious and beautiful.  To make life changing decisions that were hard as hell–knowing with certainty that they would be worth it in the end.  Especially if they were painful at the time.  Now I understand the power of God’s plan for our life and the blessing that I was given of time.  Time to wait.  Time to grow.  Time to learn. Time to cherish.

Time to bloom.

So my friends, if you are waiting.  Or you are past your timeline.  Or you are holding onto the little faith that you have left….KEEP GOING.  Stay strong.  Get back up.  Again and again.  It will be worth it and you will enjoy it so much more than someone that didn’t have to struggle to get there.  The people that had things handed to them in life, who didn’t have to work for them?  You are miles ahead of them.  The struggles that you had to go through, the mountains you had to climb, the hard choices that you had to make–all of those got you ready for your future.  They were preparing you for the life you are about to step into.  I promise, you will look back on your journey with gratitude–much like I do mine.