12 Things I’ve Learned in 12 Years

We are coming up on our 12th Anniversary!

It’s honestly hard to believe.  There are some days I look at him and think we’ve barely even scratched the surface.  In a “How can this man be real/I love him so much kind of way.”

And then there are other days where I wonder how we have survived without throttling the other.

But if I could go back in time to give my new bride self some marriage advice on her wedding day….this would be it:

1.  You are going to love him more in 12 years than you do today. Seriously.  I know you are all dressed up in your wedding dress at a fancy reception with some amazing cake………and GOOD LORD does he look good in a tux but…..it’s going to get better.
2.  Talk about role expectations early.  Figure out who is in charge of taking out the trash and digging holes in the yard.  You hate doing both of those so let’s pray he’s good at it. Same goes for laundry, dishes, and vacuuming.  You better call shot gun on making the bed so he can be the one to kill the spiders.  Do it now girlfriend. You don’t want to be stuck taking out the trash and killing the spiders for the rest of your life.
3.  It’s even better seeing him as a Daddy than as a husband.  You think he’s a good husband…..just wait until they put a little pink bundle in his huge hands and he turns around to look at you.  You don’t know it now but it will be everything you’ve ever hoped for wrapped into an instant.   Your entire world. When he makes reference to “his girls”……get your heart ready.  When he changes a diaper, or falls asleep while he is in the rocking chair holding her, or holds her hand as he walks her to school…..your heart is going to seize up and the waterworks will start.
4. Take care of your health.  This is so important for you especially with your diabetes.  Every work out you do, every healthy choice you make, every good food you put in your body is another week/day/year you are going to get to spend with him.  Look long term with your health–eat the salad, drink the water, hit the gym so you can be healthy and active in order to drive him crazy for many years to come.
5. Be selective about the hill you want to die on.  When you get into arguments (and you are going to because #life) ask yourself “Is THIS the hill I want to plant my flag and die on?” or……can you let it go?  Do I want to battle to the death for this one?  Don’t get too wrapped up in the stupid stuff like dirty dishes in the sink or forgetting to sign a permission slip.  That stuff isn’t going to matter in 5 years.  Pick your battles.  Girl, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
6.  Laugh.  Laugh a lot and laugh often.  Laugh til your sides hurt and tears come out of your eyes.  Laugh at inside jokes.  Laugh when life gets hard.  Just laugh.
   

   “Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend a whole life answering.” – Nichole Krauss

7. Protect your island.  It’s just you and he on the island–so don’t let the opinion of others impact your relationship.  If it makes you two happy and it works for you both…..GREAT.  Don’t let other people’s ideas or expectations of how a relationship “should be” color yours.  You aren’t married to everyone else.  You are married to him.
8.  He’s going to see you at your absolute worst.  Like in the dregs of the flu.  Morning sickness.  Covered in baby vomit.  In the midst of a black out low blood sugar.  Knee deep in postpartum depression.  When your hair starts falling out after cancer treatment.  After you lose your job.  When you are stressed and angry.  When you feel inadequate.  No make up and morning breath.  All the moments that you don’t even like YOURSELF. And he is still going to love you through all of that.
9.  He’s going to push you.  Like push you HARD.  Push you to be a better person.  Push you to be a better mama.  Push you to set a higher goal for yourself.  Push you to step outside your comfort zone.  Push you to think differently.  Push you to dream a bigger dream. Push you to expect more from people.  Push you to cut ties with people that drain your energy and aren’t on your level.  Push you to never settle.  Push you to see yourself as the incredible, dynamic, smart, funny, capable woman that you are.
10. You will never feel more safe with someone that you are with him.  You will soon figure out that home isn’t a place but a person.  He will be your rock, your anchor, and your safe place to land.
11.  He is going to make all of the hurt, the heart ache, and the struggles you went through in the past finally make sense.  All of those trials, set backs, and battles were worth it because they brought you to him.  It will soon make sense why it didn’t work with anyone else and why you had to be exactly where you were in that moment to meet him.
12.  He was worth the wait.