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The Princess and The Prosthetic

Balancing Act

I’ve talked about grief before….when you are a special needs parent, the grieving process is very unique.  It’s not something that you deal with right at the beginning, work through and process, and then move on.  It’s something that stays with you through your lifetime and can knock on your door at anytime.

At the beginning when I’d express a feeling of grief I would get the response, “Well it could be worse, she could have_______.”  Or I also got “Well you should be grateful that_______.”

I think it’s a common misconception that you can’t grieve and be extremely grateful for all that you do have at the same time.  The two can go hand in hand–the greatest joy and the deepest pain.  Our family is the perfect example of being able to walk hand in hand with grief and gratitude.

There are days where we will be out in public and I’ll see a little kid doing something that Callie’s not capable of.  Or I’ll see an Instagram post of someone else’s kid jumping into a pool or running through the sprinkler.  Or times when I simply stop to notice all the kids that are running, jumping swimming, dancing, marching, hopping, cartwheeling, cheering, and living without a care in the world.  The grief barrels through the closed door and knocks me off my feet.

But I’m able, in that same day, to come home and be so incredibly thankful for the lives that we have.  Thankful that she is here with us, thankful for the supportive friends and family we have, and thankful for all of the challenges we’ve overcome. Thankful for the opportunity to be her mom, thankful to have come as far as we have, and thankful for our strong, resilient, and fierce little family.  Gratitude is in our heart, but grief still sits on our shoulders, sharing space together.

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Just because I feel grief for the way I thought our lives should have been does not mean I am not overwhelmingly grateful for the miracle that is our Callie.  Let me say that again for the people in the back.

I can grieve for what I thought our lives should be and still be overwhelmingly grateful for Callie.

It’s taken me countless therapy sessions and many years to figure out that I can feel both.  I used to think I wasn’t being positive enough or there was something wrong with me for being so down at times.  I thought I was broken and ungrateful.  I had huge amounts of guilt.  I thought I had to work harder to “move past” the grief.

I didn’t.  It meant I was human.  Capable of feeling gratitude AND grief.  So now, when I feel a moment of grief, I sit with it.  I process it.  I let myself FEEL it.  I can wade through the events that might have triggered it and think about what I can do differently next time to help myself recover.

And then, I thank my lucky stars.

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Jaime

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for stopping by! My name is Jaime! Wife to my better half, James, who is my moon and all of my stars. We are parents to our little warrior princess, Callie Grace. We started this blog to share our journey as we navigate through our crazy beautiful life. Callie is a lower limb amputee and I am a Type One Diabetic. We are hoping to change the face of beauty one step at a time! We hope by sharing our story, you leave with a little bit more inspiration and hope! Thank you so much for stopping by and joining our tribe!

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2 Comments

  • Tracy Tulloch April 28, 2020 at 10:26 am

    Beautifully said Jaime. It’s happening less often but I still feel that pain when I see the other girls run, jump and leap in the moment and it brings home to me that my daughter can’t move with that unthinking freedom. I feel so much pride and joy in who she is and what she has achieved but it still hurts. We are nineteen months post injury so still a lot of learning going on. It’s taken me some time to accept that the ups and downs continue and that we are unlikely to reach a plateau where everything works all the time forever after. I take pride in our resilience and strength but am better able now to accept that sad times will come and that’s ok. I really appreciate reading your thoughts about these challenges. They really resonate with me. Best wishes to you and Callie through the current challenging times.

    • Jaime May 12, 2020 at 1:48 am

      Thank you so much! I’m so glad that us sharing has helped you–keeping you guys in our thoughts. I feel like there comes a point where you get your “footing” and kind of hit your stride so I’m praying that is soon for you. Stay strong!

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    About Me

    About Me

    Jaime

    Hi Y'all! I’m Jaime, a proud working mama, author, girl boss and wifey to an ultra-adorable husband. I am a huge book nerd, I drink coffee like my life depends on it, and run on dry shampoo and Amazon Prime. Leopard print is my favorite color. I am a story teller at heart and this blog is a virtual scrapbook of our crazy beautiful life. I'm a Type One Diabetic and our little warrior princess Callie is a lower limb amputee. By sharing how we’ve chosen to flourish in the garden we’ve been planted in, we hope you can take some small nuggets of hope, inspiration, and laughter. We are so grateful that you’ve found us—welcome to the fam. We embrace our perfectly imperfect lives and don’t let the doctor’s appointments, spreadsheets, speaking engagements, 10th birthday parties to plan, housework or date nights overwhelm us. Those things are just the beautiful reminders of all the blessings in our lives. Read More

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