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The Princess and The Prosthetic

Grief is the Price of Love

The thing about grief is we are all terrified of it happening to us and we’re devastated when it does–and then we go out of our way to pretend neither one of those things is true.

In the days after Callie’s birth I grieved the woman I once was.  I grieved the loss of my somewhat carefree life.  I aligned myself with the idea that this pain would be my constant never ending companion.

I grieved the baby I had lost–the one that lived in our hopes, dreams and imagination.  I grieved that baby’s first steps, ballet recitals, and holding out my arms for her to run into them–a sparkly ball of glitter and tulle.  I grieved watching her stand on her Daddy’s feet and pretending to “dance.” I grieved for the loss of that little foot and everything it signified.

I grieved for what Calle would never have–that “normal” life.  Learning to walk and run.  Sports, pool parties, dance recitals.  Kicking off your flip flops and running through the sprinkler.  Wearing two of the same shoes.  I grieved for each of those moments.

And yes, I grieved the end of our perfect fairy tale story.

We had stepped through the doorway of the unknown–and I intrinsically knew what I had lost. I had that list of losses stacked up in my head and felt each of them like a blow to the heart.

At the time, I didn’t know that grief was not something that you complete but rather that you endure.

I didn’t know that there was no pushing through it to get to the other side but rather it’s an absorption.

And adjustment and acceptance.

It’s an element of yourself, an alteration of your entire being, and a new definition of self.

And thankfully, I didn’t yet know the beauty, the joy, the strength, the courage and the hope that lay on the other side of that realization.  I didn’t know that what lay ahead of us was even better and more perfectly imperfect than I had imagined.

I didn’t yet know the honor or the privilege that I had been given by being chosen as Callie’s mama and advocate.

I didn’t yet know how powerful my voice could be.

I didn’t yet know that scars tell a story–of wars fought and battles won.

I didn’t know that you could truly get knocked down a million times and still come back up swinging.

I didn’t know that my best self didn’t show up until those extremely hard moments.

I didn’t know then that my heart was hurting because it was growing and stretching to make room for a love that I’d never known.

I didn’t understand that I needed to be broken to understand strength.

I didn’t understand that I had to know heartbreak to appreciate joy.

I had to navigate grief so I could understand…..

Gratitude.

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Jaime

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for stopping by! My name is Jaime! Wife to my better half, James, who is my moon and all of my stars. We are parents to our little warrior princess, Callie Grace. We started this blog to share our journey as we navigate through our crazy beautiful life. Callie is a lower limb amputee and I am a Type One Diabetic. We are hoping to change the face of beauty one step at a time! We hope by sharing our story, you leave with a little bit more inspiration and hope! Thank you so much for stopping by and joining our tribe!

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About Me

About Me

Jaime

Hi Y'all! I’m Jaime, a proud working mama, author, girl boss and wifey to an ultra-adorable husband. I am a huge book nerd, I drink coffee like my life depends on it, and run on dry shampoo and Amazon Prime. Leopard print is my favorite color. I am a story teller at heart and this blog is a virtual scrapbook of our crazy beautiful life. I'm a Type One Diabetic and our little warrior princess Callie is a lower limb amputee. By sharing how we’ve chosen to flourish in the garden we’ve been planted in, we hope you can take some small nuggets of hope, inspiration, and laughter. We are so grateful that you’ve found us—welcome to the fam. We embrace our perfectly imperfect lives and don’t let the doctor’s appointments, spreadsheets, speaking engagements, 10th birthday parties to plan, housework or date nights overwhelm us. Those things are just the beautiful reminders of all the blessings in our lives. Read More

Jaime

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