She was a hope.
A silent prayer that I had tucked away in the deepest part of my heart.
And then in an instant, she was a tiny little fuzzy image on an ultrasound photo.
A little outline just waiting to be filled in.
Her name thoughtfully picked out and paired with the most absolute grandiose of dreams. Outlining who and what she would become one day.
We planned everything….from the birth plan to the paint on the nursery walls to the type of stroller and where she would go to preschool. We planned our schedules and how she would fit into every aspect of our life. Car seats, the baby baby wraps, and the perfect bottles. Nothing was left unaccounted for in preparation to bring our little miracle into the world.
And then she arrived and we discovered how much we didn’t plan for.
We didn’t plan for an open heart surgery or a lower limb amputation.
We didn’t plan to be gutted and knocked over by a tidal wave of grief.
We didn’t plan for every single hope and dream we’d put out into the universe to be overlooked. We didn’t plan for this path in life.
We had planned for the space she would need in the house, the adjustments she would bring to our schedules, and the financial impacts of raising a baby.
But we could have never of imagined the way she taught us the meaning of love.
The meaning of strength.
The way she could bring out the very best part of each of us.
The way that she made things simpler, truer, and more grace filled.
We never could have comprehended the space she overtook in our hearts, the joy she brought to our lives, the time we unapologetically gave to her, and the perfectly imperfect change she brought to our world.
Now that she is here…
Fully filled in.
No longer a dream, a wish, or a silently whispered prayer…..
And we know she is most assuredly more than we were ever prepared for.