Before Callie was born, I didn’t think something like what we experienced could happen to people like “us.”
I thought grief, heartbreak, loss, and gut wrenchingly hard things happened to OTHER people. Those hard things happened to someone else’s friend, or neighbor or second cousin. It happened to people in the news stories and magazine articles.
Not people like me. Not anyone close to me.
Because I’d already had my “fair” share of hard things, there was no possible way another hard thing would be put on my shoulders right? I had a chronic disease and had enough burdens to carry, surely I wouldn’t be tasked with something else?
Maybe it was arrogance, nativity, or sheer audacity but I truly was shell shocked with Callie’s diagnosis.
For the first few weeks, I would argue the circumstances with everyone.
How did this happen if I took care of myself during my pregnancy?
How did this happen if I took all the supplements, followed all the protocols, and had the best doctors?
How could this happen when I did EVERYTHING right?
How could this happen to someone like me?
And the truth of the matter is, there is absolutely no reason. You can do everything right. You can play it safe. You can follow all the rule and do everything by the book.
You can argue and plead and lash out at the universe. You can feel like your life is ending and you can feel out of control. You can crumble and fall apart. You can try to bargain and negotiate but the fact of the matter is….
Your life is changed.
The key is, understanding that your life isn’t over. It’s merely different. It’s not what you expected but it can still be beautiful, joyous, full of laughter and happiness. You still have endless opportunities and possibilities if you’re willing to see them.
So if you’re in the same space I was 15 years ago, I want you to know…..
You will be ok.
You will eventually heal.
Your grief will lessen.
Your anger will fade.
And you will…….be ok.