Red Flags for Toxic Energy

Heads up, friends. I don’t want to freak anyone out but we are living in a world with people who have HIGH levels of toxic energy, and we must keep our eyes and ears wide open to spot them. They are present in families, work environments, friend circles, and, quite possibly the worst of them all, romantic relationships. They are EVERYWHERE.

Most people, whether they’re cognizant of it or not, have come across someone with toxic energy a time or two already (I’m hoping it’s not more than that!), so it’s not uncommon—it’s just sad.

But the good news is: When you are aware of the red flags to be on high alert for and you have knowledge of how to handle them appropriately, you can seriously protect your peace, happiness, mental health, and let’s be frank, your sanity. We all know I’m huge on protecting what energy you let into your circle!

Whether you’re worried you might be dating someone with toxic vibes, have a friend that displays toxic energy all the time, have been dealing with it in your family for years, or think the co-worker you run into daily at the coffee station has a streak of toxicity, let’s break down some of the red flags to be aware of and more importantly, how to handle them.

Toxic Energy Red Flags Checklist

To spot a true person with toxic energy, watch out for these common red flags:

Lack of empathy
Needs to be the center of attention
Unsupportive
Inflated self-image
Lack of consideration for others
Sensitive to criticism
Extremely negative
Makes you think you’re the problem

Early On Red Flags From a Covert Toxic Person

Covert means “not openly acknowledged or displayed,” so a covertly toxic person is basically subtly toxic. Toxic on the down low. Instead of outwardly expressing their negativity, they hyper-fixate on it internally. And since they are always negative on the inside, they want your attention from the outside—which usually comes in the form of fishing for compliments. This will present the following unique flags:

Always plays the victim for sympathy
Seeks attention constantly
Steers conversations to be about themselves
Breaks boundaries often
Lacks reliability

Red Flags From a Toxic Person in a Female Friendship

We’ve all seen Mean Girls. Regina is manipulative, self-obsessed, and exploitative of others for her own benefit. But guess what? Regina George exists in the real world too. Here’s how to spot her:

Prioritizes their own needs over others
High expectations of their friends
Ends friendships when they no longer benefit them
Obsessed with social status
Can’t keep a secret

Red Flags of Toxic Family Members

Family members with strong opinions? Not shocking. Family members who criticize your every move, talk trash about you behind your back, and feel superior over everyone else? That’s a special kind of toxic. Having a toxic family member can be complicated (mostly because you probably see them often). With that said, it’s important that you can spot their tendencies so you know how to address them or frankly, avoid them altogether.

Gaslights
Criticizes
Plays the victim when their behavior is called out
Lacks self-awareness
Has a strong sense of entitlement

It’s been a hot minute since I had a first date (we’ve been married 15 years!) but here are some that I definitely saw in my time in the dating pool. From the start, they are usually too good to be true with their charming, social, and sweet demeanor, but watch and listen to them carefully because that won’t last long before one of these toxic red flags presents itself:

Only talk about themselves
Brags about their money, status, achievements, etc.
Makes not-so-sarcastic comments or jokes
Impatient and entitled
Complains about exes

Red Flags When You’re In a Toxic Relationship

If you think you are in a toxic relationship……you’re probably right. And to that, I say run for the hills sister. But if that’s not the case for you and you just want to make sure you never get into a toxic relationship, here are the traits that you absolutely have to be aware of:

Downplays your emotions
Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments
Love bombing, especially after a fight
Makes you second-guess yourself constantly
Incapable of holding themselves accountable
Jealous of your other relationships with friends, family, etc.

Tips For Dealing With a Toxic Energy

Get very good at expressing your feelings
Build your self-esteem
Speak up for yourself
Set clear boundaries
Practice skills to keep calm
Understand what is acceptable behavior for you and what behavior you absolutely will not accept