Along with the decision to have a child, I think the decision to stop having kids is one of the biggest a couple can make. And like all important choices, it’s not always clear cut.
We always envisioned having 3-4 children, both my husband and I come from bigger families. But we simply had no preparation for the roller coaster that parenting a child with a disability would be and that definitely impacted our decision to expand our family. Other examples of things that could impact your decision might be you didn’t know how much you would miss your kids when you went back to work, so you decide to stay at home. So you actually do want more children, but financially it won’t work for your family because now you are down to a single family income.
Other examples? Having really difficult pregnancies, having a traumatic birth, not having a strong support system, or the emotional overload of having children—suddenly the thought of adding another child to your family mix feels completely overwhelming.
I think being a sibling is pretty cool, but being an ‘only’ is equally as cool for so many reasons.
Here’s all the things I love about being the mama of my magical one:
Time and energy to focus on my only
All the firsts also being the lasts is something that I hear parents of only children feeling sad about all the time. It’s true that you only get to see the first steps once, or hear the first time they call you ‘mama’. But for me, having only one child means that I can really enjoy those moments though, without worrying about my attention being divided. I’m present, I’m focused, and I’m available to her. I love being able to give my daughter all my attention and that she can be in the stage that she’s in for as long as she needs.
(Slightly) less mama guilt
Let’s face it, mom guilt isn’t going anywhere! If I’m not worrying if my daughter has eaten her quote of veggies, got her magnesium, had her appropriate amount of exercise, watched something intellectually stimulating (and not just YouTube), then it’s whether I’ve spent enough time with her that day, or did I properly navigate that question she asked me about her classmate that was kinda mean to her…… The constant juggle is tough, and I’m focusing on the positives of having a little bit of lighter load.
More time for me
Yeah, I said it. My daughter is teenager, and luckily for me, she still loves to hang out with her parents, but she’s also pretty self sufficient. I’m able to make more time for myself and if we had more children, this would definitely be a lot tougher. I love being able to go to the gym, or take a long bath, go to brunch with girlfriends, and not worry that my husband is outnumbered with the kids. I have time to dedicate to me–my physical, mental, and spiritual health so that I can come back to her and be the very best version of myself as her mama.
More money to travel
A lot of families are feeling the pinch at the moment, and travel with multiple children is tough when you have to pay for individual seats on flights and extra accommodation. By having one child, it frees up money in the budget to do the big trips – like our most recent Royal Caribbean cruise and National Park trip.
Read: 5 Reasons Why Our Family Loves Royal Caribbean Cruises
More time for our relationship
Making time for each other is tough when you’re parents. Only having one child gives my husband and I more time to focus on our relationship, which is does really positive things for the happiness of our little family. I like to think that by cultivating a happy marriage, I’m modeling for my daughter in real time the type of relationship she should absolutely search for when she gets older.
Read: How My Marriage Changed After a Disability Diagnosis
A close bond with my daughter
Full stop. Every time I go out with my daughter, I like to think about the positives of it just being the two of us. I can walk around Target, sit at Starbucks, cheer her on at the archery range for hours because I’m not chasing another kid around. We never have to worry about fitting in around another kid’s nap/sport/school schedule. She’s the center of my world, and our bond is so strong because of it.
2 Comments
Thank you so much for this article. I have a 3 year old and I think we’re most likely a one-and-done family for many of the reasons you mention. It’s so reassuring to read your thoughts! Best wishes to you and your family.
It’s nice to read that you’re happy and fulfilled being one and done family. Time has proved that this was the best decision for you, your marriage and, most importantly, for your daughter. So enjoy your life as parents of one! I wish your family all the best!