Let’s set the record straight:
You are not a museum exhibit.
You do not exist for public commentary, approval, or permission slips.
Whether you’re switching careers at 40, dyeing your hair pink, moving to a new city, saying no to family events, or simply deciding you’d rather nap than hustle — guess what?
You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Not your mama.
Not your friends.
Not Susan from accounting.
Why We Feel the Need to Over-Explain (and Why It’s Time to Stop)
Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that being a good girl meant being agreeable, palatable, and endlessly available for everyone’s comfort.
And commentary.
But guess what?
You are not obligated to cushion your choices with disclaimers.
Explaining every decision dilutes your power.
It subtly says:
“I need your approval to move forward.”
Spoiler alert:
You don’t.
How to Own Your Life Without Over-Explaining
1. Practice Saying “No” Without a Novel
“No” doesn’t need a PowerPoint presentation (even though your girl loves a beautifully prepared deck).
You don’t need to write a five-paragraph essay about why you can’t attend brunch.
A simple, polite, firm “No, thank you” is enough.
Read: 9 Green Flags You are Breaking Toxic Family Generational Curses
I admit, this felt weird. I was used to trying to explain why I wasn’t going to attend the cousin’s birthday party/bring cookies for the school bake sale/bachelorette party because I didn’t want people to be mad at me or think badly of me. Which brings me to….
2. Make Peace with Discomfort
Sometimes people will raise an eyebrow.
Sometimes they’ll talk.
Sometimes they’ll be mad.
Sometimes they’ll gasp dramatically.
And it’s going to feel weird. You will feel uncomfortable. You might feel bad or guilty or even ashamed.
But…..
Let them.
Their reactions are not your responsibility.
3. Affirm Yourself First
Before you even THINK about explaining yourself, ask:
“Am I okay with my decision?”
“Am I ok missing brunch?”
“Am I ok with not going to the birthday party?”
If yes, that’s the only validation you need.
Read: 5 Things I Don’t Feel Guilty for as a Mom
4. Remember: You’re the Main Character
Main characters make bold choices.
They switch paths, fall in love, start over, and chase their wildest dreams — unapologetically.
Own your storyline, and don’t let the side characters’ opinions deter you from your own path.
Final Mic Drop: You Are Not a Committee Decision
Your life is not up for a vote.
Your dreams are not a group project.
Your boundaries are not negotiable.
You are allowed to live loudly, wildly, boldly, and beautifully without explaining yourself to anyone.
(And bonus points for doing it in a fabulous outfit.)
So next time you start to feel that old habit of justifying yourself creeping up, pause and remind yourself:
“My life. My rules. End of story.”
Now go out there and own it.
Sending you love and light,
Jaime
3 Comments
I am a man but stumbled upon your life researching info to ease my guilt about going no contact with my wifes family after I evicted her 3 lazy adult children who would not work or go to school. Just laid around. In my 50’s raising my wifes grandson because her other daughter got addicted to meth and died last year.
Your blog is light, refreshing, insightful and therapeutic. Reading about your life situation and how your deal with it brought comfort to my soul. Keep up the good work and THANK YOU!
Thank you for your comment! I’m glad it resonated with you–sending you and your wife love and light!
[…] justify even their most personal choices. Whether it’s skipping a family event, changing jobs, or setting firm boundaries, the pressure to give a detailed reason can be intense. But offering explanations for every […]