Here’s the truth no one wants to admit out loud:

Most women aren’t exhausted from the holidays—they’re exhausted from carrying the entire emotional weight of the holidays.

You know exactly what I mean.

Remembering the gifts.
Planning the meals.
Keeping the traditions alive.
Managing sensory needs and meltdowns.
Navigating complicated family dynamics.
Holding space for everyone else’s feelings.
Making sure the holidays feel “magical.”
Somehow magically staying calm, cheerful, and available at all times.

Meanwhile?
Your emotional battery has been blinking red since November 29.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why am I the one doing all of this?”—this post is for you.

Let’s talk about holiday emotional labor, why it hits women so hard, and how to stop being the default emotional manager of Christmas… even if you’ve held that job title your entire life.

Emotional labor is invisible work — but it’s real work

Emotional labor is:

• remembering who likes what

• predicting everyone’s reactions

• keeping peace between relatives

• making sure your child with disabilities has an accessible, sensory-friendly holiday

• anticipating meltdowns and overstimulation

• smoothing over tension

• ensuring no one feels left out

• reading the emotional temperature of every single room

You are basically the CEO of Holiday Vibes.

And yes—this is actual work.
It is draining.
It takes skill and energy.
And it often goes unnoticed.

You’re not imagining the weight.
You’re carrying it.

Women are conditioned to be the emotional caretakers (and it shows during the holidays)

From girlhood, many women are taught to:

keep everyone comfortable
take responsibility for other people’s feelings
avoid conflict
make everything “nice”
anticipate needs without being asked

So the moment December hits?
Your inner holiday manager snaps into action like she’s being paid overtime.

Spoiler:
She’s not.

It’s not your job to keep the entire holiday season emotionally hydrated.

If you’re a mom—especially a mom of a disabled or neurodivergent child—you carry double the emotional load

You’re not just managing the holiday.
You’re managing:

• accessibility

• sensory needs

• emotional regulation

• medical routines

• mobility considerations

• unpredictable changes in energy or tolerance

And you’re trying to give your child joy while juggling the expectations of extended family members who may not understand disability, routine, boundaries, or your child’s needs.

You’re not dramatic.
You’re carrying more than most people can see.

The solution isn’t to “just relax”—it’s to redistribute the labor

You don’t need to become tougher.
You don’t need to hustle harder.
You don’t need to earn rest.

You need help.

And the way to get it?

Start naming what you do.

Because emotional labor thrives in silence.

Try this:

• “Hey, I’m always the one tracking gifts. This year, can you handle gifts for your side of the family?”

• “I need you to take over managing the schedule. My brain is full.”

• “Can you be the point person for your mom’s questions this year?”

• “This is too much for one person. I need us to share the load.”

If your partner says they “didn’t know you needed help,” it’s because your emotional expertise has made things look effortless.

You’re not asking too much.
You’ve been doing too much.

Set boundaries that protect your mental and emotional energy

Let’s normalize:

saying no to extra events
leaving early
creating sensory-friendly plans
simplifying traditions
ignoring guilt trips
not hosting every year
not attending gatherings that drain you
choosing peace over performance

Soft boundaries are still boundaries.

And guess what?
Your kids will remember the peace of a calm, grounded parent far more than the activities you skipped.

Let things be “good enough” instead of perfect

Your worth is not measured by:

• how coordinated your wrapping paper is

• the aesthetics of your tree

• the number of events you attend

• whether you hand-baked cookies

• how magical the day looks on Instagram

Good enough is good enough.

Your family doesn’t need perfect.
They need you—present, not performing.

Let people be disappointed (they’ll survive, I promise)

This is the hard one.

But your emotional health matters more than someone’s short-term annoyance.

Repeat after me:

“Their disappointment is not my responsibility.”
“My rest is more important than their expectations.”
“A boundary is not an attack.”

You’re not responsible for ensuring everyone has the holiday they imagined—especially if it costs your sanity.

Replace old expectations with new, softer ones

Let this be the year you create traditions that feel like relief, not pressure.

Ask yourself:

• What actually matters to me?

• What feels soft and grounding?

• What would make the holiday lighter?

• What can I release?

• What can I simplify?

Your emotional capacity is allowed to evolve.
Your traditions can evolve with it.

You don’t have to carry the emotional labor alone anymore

This year, you get to:

delegate
rest
ask for help
say no
take breaks
protect your peace
choose joy that feels real, not performative

You don’t have to be the holiday hero.
You don’t have to be the fixer.
You don’t have to be everything for everyone.

You just have to be human.

That’s more than enough.

I promise.

Sending you love and light,

Jaime

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